As Gabor Mate brilliantly describes, we create the world with our minds, but before we do this, the world creates our minds. Safety is not the absence of danger, it is the experience of being held and connected with another.
Only after acknowledging that the world (our parents, society, school etc) created our minds during our formative years can we begin to untangle the threads and create the world ourselves. Imagine a jumble of cables, cell phone chargers, tv cables and others. In order to make use of them and know which is which you need to put them in order and disentangle them first. Until we know where a belief about ourselves comes from, we have a blind spot. Now imagine that all of these tangled cables are plugged into outlets. If you randomly unplug them, you might power off your computer and lose the work you were doing, you might unplug your harddrive or your router. You need a strategy, patience and some deep breathing to follow one cable at a time and locate its function and purpose. Then you can unplug it.
In the same way, we need guidance and patience to unplug the deeply wired beliefs and behaviors that were instilled in us since our birth by the all powerful parental figures in our lives.
Parents are Godlike beings to their children. These giants, whether they are loving or angry, present or distant gave you life, fed you and their attitude towards you created your first impression of yourself. You came into the world with these questions: Am I wanted? Am I safe? Do I matter?
How you were treated as an infant left a deep impression on your mind, body and soul.
99% of people on deathrow were unwanted children. As a child you have two needs: attachment and authenticity. In order to survive, most of us sacrifice being authentic, being connected to our gut feelings, to our intuition and sense of what is right for us. We learn to ignore that voice because we need to stay connected at any cost to our care giver, even if they are abusive. A child will do anything to belong, and most often, that involves giving up our sense of self. What saves us as an infant and young child becomes what disconnects us from ourselves and others. It’s maladaptive because this process was unconscious.
Creating a more joyful and empowered experience starts with locating the source of your current set up, of these wired survival mechanisms which served a purpose for a time, but are now holding us captive.
